I think looking back on my blog posts, I see a recurring theme. Things get bad, I preach about how things aren't as bad as they seem, I get a 7 day motivation and then boom; back to the badness.
Now, don't get me wrong, things are technically, on paper, going really well at the moment. My EP has finally been announced for release (4th September. Don't forget!), my heart, albeit still on a ice a little bit, is healing well, there's a roof over my head, everything is fine; but under the surface, things feel very much not fine and I feel like I'm drowning.
It's all the expected things which I why I doubt whether or not my anxieties are even valid during this time of 'The Slump'. It's the month before release of the EP (dunno if I mentioned but 4th September) so there's not much more to do other than promotional things on social media and contacting those I want for review. But day to day, everything feels like groundhog day. I wake up, I have a coffee in bed, I have my breakfast, I do a few odd jobs and then suddenly it's 10pm and I feel like I'm contributing nothing towards society and myself. So I start going to bed a bit later, waking up later, doing things less on schedule because there feels like no point and I start to feel worse about the whole situation. I know I stick better to a schedule so that's my downfall; I need to implement that as my self care to keep me sane. Because being a musician is mostly about biding your time. You're waiting for responses, for streams, for gigs, for hype. It's a lot of hard work where you feel defeated in the end because all you're doing is grinding and working for a small result which, in the current moment, doesn't feel like it will lead you anywhere. But it's keeping a semi-optimistic/realistic viewpoint of 'I'm working hard now for the future me and if I give up I'll kick myself in a couple years time'.
I know I shouldn't bitch about doing my dream job but I know from experience that when you live your dream everyday, it just becomes the new normal. The exciting studio days draw out into 12 hour work days where you're not getting paid, the songs you wrote that made you passionate once are now just verses and choruses that you're trying to perfect in the production. I'm still so passionate about my work and I remain so because I take a step back and remind myself that this will all lead to something as long as I work smart.
Yeah, the days are long and the pay is non-existent. But hearing the final mix, doing your gigs and seeing people singing your lyrics, getting your name up in lights; that's the fun bit. I'll always live for that. Right now, I just need to remember that this is the hard bit but it's so worth it in the long run.
For any musician out there, I'm sure you can relate in the frustration of the process. But don't give up! Tomorrow might be the best day of your life but you won't know if you give up now.
J x
